The Ultimate Stag Party

It is a time-honored tradition for men to have a buck-wild crazy bachelor party as a final hoorah before entering marriage. This typical “American Pie” style send-off bash normally includes strippers and some lewd behavior that the attendees swear to never utter ever again, well I wanted mine to be different. Therefore, the “Ultimate Stag Party” was born!

Spear headed by my brother Justin and my buddy Russell, the idea of Bachelor Weekend was born. Together we began thinking of ideas that would relate to the things I love the most. I knew we had to leave the bikes parked for this weekend because of the higher-than-normal alcohol consumption; that and not all my buds are riders and I really wanted a good turnout.

Eventually the game plan started to come together. We were to enjoy a full weekend of craziness. Here is the sequence of events as they were to play out:

1) Stag Party Happy Hour @ Uptown Tavern

My weekend bash was to begin by dipping out of work a bit early and heading back to my place to meet my brother Justin. Frustrated a bit with city traffic my brother gets there a smudge late, no biggie. We hit the road and got about half way to the HH and my brother realized, whoops no ID, so after a quick turnaround we made it!

We got to the patio on the roof and as soon as I turned the corner and there was a large group of my core guys. We all got a couple of drinks in us and it was time for shots. A special call out to Russell and his Nacho Libre mask; it was seriously hilarious. I also enjoyed a very nice gesture from one of my best college friends – Jesse Kunes, who was kind enough to call the bar from his place of residence (Arkansas) and order us a round, too cool of him.

Best Happy Hour Ever! My guys came out in full force to send me off the right way!

Best Happy Hour Ever! My guys came out in full force to send me off the right way!

We passed around cigars, snapped pictures and everyone was congratulating me on the upcoming marriage to my beautiful wife Nellie. Soon we were off hitting the road from the bar to our next adventure.

2) Rave Run @ ValleyFair

So we had several sober drivers bring us out to the ValleyFair grounds for this techno themed 5K. On the way out I decided to hop out of the van on 169 as it was basically standstill traffic due to all the people going to the event. Lol I eventually met up with the van behind us when Russ jumped out and got me, lol.

Shortly after we arrived (a bit late to the run) we got our race swag on and glowing. I had nicely glow-painted the race shirts for our crew! We were ready for a drunken walk / jog around the neon lit track. I think we may have lost a few along the way, but we all pretty much stuck together and finished strong. Here is a picture with the bunch of us enjoying the experience!

The Rave Run crew having a blast out at ValleyFair.  Thanks Russ for picking up the random woman for the pic! LMAO

The Rave Run crew having a blast out at ValleyFair. Thanks Russ for picking up the random woman for the pic! LMAO

After the Rave Run the crew had all but sobered up and we were starting to get hungry.  The night was not yet over (not by a long shot), next we were to do a little gambling after we stopped at McD’s, lol!

3) Black Jack @ Mystic Lake

Considering we had planned to be out this way, I figured that it only made sense to try my luck at the Black Jack tables at the casino.  It is always a good time arriving at Mystic and seeing the flashing lights and hearing sounds of the money-sucking machines making dreams and nightmares a reality.  We split up a bit and played our luck at the machines and the tables. To me it was a good form of entertainment and we didn’t win or lose big, we just paid for the experience. We purchased several rounds of  drinks and shared laughs as we handed the casino our money.  When our money was gone we made tracks and headed back to Russell’s for the after-party.

From the moment we arrived at Russell’s my memory becomes fuzzy.  It probably is because we started with Russell’s famous shot-skis where we lined up several rounds. Eventually, the night ended in a group wrestling match; soon after we fell into our temporary comas.

Ugh, waking up the next day proved to be quite the challenge.  Apparently we got from Russell’s over to my place, I passed back out as a few of them cooked a late breakfast.  I am not sure of the responsible culprit, but someone took my delicious New York strip steaks out of the fridge and fricasseed them on a pan,  that was not so tasty. After a few more hours of sleep we woke to Sharif and Andrew on their bikes.  Thank goodness they came and got us up or that would have been the end of Stag Weekend.

4) Gokarting @ ProKART

After a late lunch in Maple Grove at Malone’s, we hit our backup plan.  Today was the day that we were supposed to go skydiving but the weather was simply too windy to ensure we had safe enough conditions.  So we went with our backup plan which was so much more fun than I could have ever imagined.  We got out to ProKART and decided to race several rounds against one another.  Those little cars are fast! Once you realize the correct technique and you get a decent whip, you can get really fast and even drift around the turns to minimize the loss of speed.  I think the thing I liked about it the most was that it was hilariously competitive.

Racing with the fellas at ProKART!

Racing with the fellas at ProKART!

Each time around the track we would do our best to cut one another off and we also were shooting for the fastest overall lap.  Though I was never the fast lap captain, I did enjoy aggressively driving those karts.  Yes, I got warned a few times as you are not supposed to make contact with the other drivers, but sometimes you gotta bump your buddies, hahaha! I think my brother-in-law Joel lost his mind with how much fun he was having.  Only downside was that I ran into Justin’s kart so hard that I broke the bracket that was holding his GoPro to his helmet.  No harm no foul and we finished out our races!

5) Shutting the Bars Down @ LaCrosse WI

No way could the Ultimate Stag Party end just yet.  It must have been around 9PM and we were feeling a little froggy and ready to get the party started once again.  We had just enough time go purchase the adult beverages that we wanted and drive down to LaCrosse.  It took us a couple of hours to get down there and as soon as we did we hit up downtown to see what kind of party scene LaCrosse had to offer.  We hit a couple of smaller bar establishments and at each of them the guys were asking and recording the women’s best advice for keeping happiness in my marriage.  It was too funny some of the responses they gave, lol.

I thought it was like an amazing idea to do the ‘Harlem Shake’ all night, which when performed by me looks a lot like a drunken bullet dodging scene from the Matrix. Either way it was quite entertaining and I am really glad that I have a bunch of obnoxious videos to watch.  After dancing and sweating the booze out we took off for Justin’s place where we were to end the night.

6) Bonfire @ Justin’s

Eventually we made it back to my bro’s place around 3AM and decided to refuel and get a bit crazy again.  We had an awesomely big bonfire just roaring in my brother’s backyard.  I love the feeling of the hot air coming off the fire and the glow of the embers.  Between Russell, Justin, Crazy Carl, Andrew and myself, we made the rest of the night one for the memories.  We were drinking, snacking and talking (deep intellectual conversation I am sure, lol) until the sun came up.

Swapping stories around the campfire until the sun came up the next day!

Swapping stories around the campfire until the sun came up the next day!

Conclusion:

That night never really ended for me.  Russ and I stayed up and took out his .22 and went shooting cans down in the ravine behind the barn.  We had a few laughs and may have even ‘rustled some feathers’, hahaha! Felt good to be a carefree kid once again and to see all my friends support me into my marriage with Nellie.  Good times!

All super amazing stag parties must come to an end, sad but true.  We partied like rockstars and kept it clean for the most part, no one got in trouble and we have great stories to share going forward.  A couple of hours after everyone was up we gathered ourselves and parted ways!  A special thanks to my brothers Justin and Russell for this amazing weekend!

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